The first half of my Goosebumps official ranking, starting with the absolute worst and counting down to the mediocre middle.

It was really fun seeing all of the Ermahgerd photos listed in one place. That was one Halloween costume that took on a life of its own.

 

62. Go Eat Worms

Coming in last place with a score of 0.5 out of 5 stars is Go Eat Worms. This choice for the was a no brainer, just like the book’s plot. Even RL Stine has disavowed this one, and I can’t blame him. Can you believe I ruined a wig for this photo shoot? It was worth it though, it’s one of my favorites in the photo series.

 

61. Monster Blood III

All of the Monster Blood books were bad, but Monster Blood III eeked out it’s predecessors as the worst of the bunch with a score of 1 out of 5 stars. Slime grows and makes things big and our characters learn nothing. By the third book this was so tedious and repetitive that I struggled to finish it. On the bright side, it was a good challenge for my photoshop skills.

 

60. You Can’t Scare Me

You Can’t Scare Me, but you can bore me to tears. This book was a short story premise stretched over 120 pages. The ending was fun when we finally got there, but not fun enough to justify the first 100 pages. For the photo, I’m glad I got to take advantage of my friend Lindsay owning a ghillie suit.

 

59. Monster Blood II

Coming in right at the heels of it’s sequel is Monster Blood II. I had enjoyed our two main characters in the first book, but they became very grating by about 20 pages into this book. I want to say that the cover art of Tim Jacobus is the soul reason these books sold well and got so many sequels. This was also one of my very early photoshop attempts, and it shows. Maybe I’ll redo it one of these days, but probably not.

 

58. Bad Hare Day

Bad Hare Day had a couple good ideas but mostly bad ones. I think you can tell when RL Stine wasn’t even interested in writing the book. That translates into the reading experience. For the photo I decided to do an homage to my favorite scary rabbit, Frank from Donnie Darko.

 

57. Be Careful What You Wish For…

The highest ranked of my 1 star reviews, Be Careful What You Wish For… had some real promise. The premise was strong, but the treatment of the main character was cruel. So much so that I wanted to giver her a pep talk (which you can read in my original review). This photo was fun, especially getting the crystal ball to say Ermahgerd.

 

56. Say Cheese and Die—Again!

The publisher clearly wanted a sequel to the bestselling and iconic Say Cheese and Die, and they got what they asked for with the forgettable Say Cheese and Die—Again! It was not only bad, but pretty offensive by today’s standards. For this photo, I had fun bringing back my very first photo in the Ermahgerd series and doing something a little different with it.

 

55. The Barking Ghost

The Barking Ghost was not good. It had some ideas that could have been, but all of that got lost in it’s very rough plotting. This was another example of an ending that felt needlessly cruel, as well. For the photo, I had a 15-year-old dog at the time and did want to do anything that alluded to dead dogs. My compromise was a weird homage to The Shining.

 

54. My Best Friend is Invisible

My Best Friend is Invisible was one of the later books in the series. I think it was another example of an idea that could have worked great for a short story, but was rather thin for an entire novel. It also relied heavily on the main character leaving out key information in order to have a twist. As a later entry into my photo series, this one benefitted from my growing photoshop skills. I’m pretty happy with how it came out.

 

53. A Shocker on Shock Street

A Shocker on Shock Street was a book I remember loving as a kid, but it held up quite poorly. The twist at the end was fantastic, but the elements that got us there were severely lacked. It landed a 1.5 out of 5 stars. For the photo, I really liked the robot spandex + wig combo. Not my best photo but sill a fun one.

 

52. Monster Blood

On one hand, I love how little logic went into the first Monster Blood book. Sarabeth made for one of my favorite of many illogical villains to grace the pages of the Goosebumps series. For the photo, I tried to create my best homage to the Tim Jacobus cover art using the disgusting and condemnable staircase in my old Brooklyn apartment.

 

51. Piano Lessons Can Be Murder

Piano Lessons Can Be Murder was not great, but it gave us my favorite illogical villain of them all. The basic premise of this book is insane: a mechanical genius, who works as a janitor, builds a bunch of robots so he can open a piano school that murders children and steals their hands. This was one of my early photoshopping attempts, but I think it came out great.

 

50. Beware, the Snowman!

With Beware, The Snowman! we move up to the 2-star ratings. Like many of the books to earn this rating, it had some pretty strong parts but didn’t utilize them well. Snowman was unique for it’s setting but it relied on some really questionable parenting and contrived plotting. For the photo I wish I could have taken my own snowman photo, but thanks to climate change it no longer snows in New York City and I had to rely on a stock photo. Not my best photoshopping, but still pretty solid.

 

49. Monster Blood IV

Monster Blood IV surprised my by being slightly better than it’s predecessors. I’m not saying it was great because it wasn’t. But it managed to surpass my incredibly low expectations by adding some unique qualities to the Monster Blood itself. As the last book in the original Goosebumps series, it was a disappointment, but it managed to be one of my best examples of photoshopping to date.

 

48. My Harriest Adventure

My Harriest Adventure was a mess of a plot, but it was also really fun to read. If you and a bunch of your friends found a weird expired bottle of instant tanner in the trash, would you put it all over your body like these kids did? Kudos to Stine for including the dirtiest joke in the series by naming the village doctor Dr. Murkin. This photo was great because I got to keep a beard for it.

 

47. Why I’m Afraid of Bees

Why I’m Afraid of Bees is widely considered one of the worst books in the series, but I found that it had a weird charm. My biggest beef with any book is if it stops being fun to read, and this one managed to avoid that. It still wasn’t good, though. Fun fact, this photo got the most likes of all of my Ermahgerd Instagram posts.

 

46. The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena

The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena was a mess in terms of it’s plot, but it had some really fun elements to it. The dad in this might be a candidate for the worst parents of Goosebumps list I will eventually do.  Lindsay and I got to bring back the ghillie suit for this photo. It was fun to show the world that abominable snowmen need love too.

 

45. Chicken, Chicken

Chicken, Chicken is also considered one of the worst books in the series, but I think it could have been one of the best with a few minor changes. It delivered some really great body horror but lost steam in the second half. It gave me my favorite photo of the Ermahgerd series, though,.

 

44. Deep Trouble II

Deep Trouble II was unique in that it failed in ways not typical to RL Stine. The plotting was solid but the concept was stupid. Dr. Ritter will also make my eventual list of incompetent villains. For the photo, I got to photoshop my face onto a stingray, which was a lot of fun.

 

43. How to Kill a Monster

I’m pretty sure the grandparents of How to Kill a Monster deserve an award for the most terrible parenting of all of the Goosebumps books, and that is saying something. This book had some fun ideas but it relied on terrible parenting to an unplausable extent. For this photo, Dierre got to re-wear the monster arms from the Beast From the East shoot.

 

42. Night of the Living Dummy

This will be an upsetting placement for many fans of Slappy, but the first of the Night of the Living Dummy books was quite terrible. The final act worked pretty well, but I had to read 80 pages of tedious and repetitive narrative in order to get there. One of my weaker Ermahgerd photo’s though. I remember being tired an low on inspiration.

 

41. How I Got My Shrunken Head

How I Got My Shrunken Head book was more of an adventure story than a scary one, and it could have worked if with a few more rounds of edits. This ended up being what I would call one of Stine’s “rough draft” novels. It had promise but failed to deliver. But it made for a great excuse to photoshop myself holding my severed head!

 

40. Stay Out of the Basement

My least favorite thing about Stay Out of the Basement was how boring the main character was. There were some grate moments of body horror, and with amore cohesive concept I think this book could have really delivered. As one of the first photos I took, it was fine. I was working with what I had. But I think things would have turned out very differently if this came later in the series.

 

39. Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes was not a good one. It had an interesting final act, but it took way too long to get there.  It was also set in the wrong state because it clearly should have been set in Florida. I have zero regrets on buying this lawn gnome for the soul purpose of this shoot, I only regret leaving him behind on our last move.

 

38. The Blob That Ate Everyone

I really enjoyed the premise of The Blob That Ate Everyone, so it was a real shame that the story didn’t pan out. It ended up being a case where a fun book title overshadowed the magic typewriter at its core. My photoshopping here was a huge improvement on my early attempts, but it still wasn’t great.

 

37. The Girl Who Cried Monster

The Girl Who Cried Monster was another almost great premise, but it relied on the narrator lying by omission, which always feels like cheating. This was the first photo I would collaborate with the incredibly talented Lindsay Pacelli on, and it is therefore one of my favorites.

 

36. The Haunted Mask II

The Haunted Mask II was another mediocre sequel in a long line of disappointing Goosebumps sequels. I enjoyed that it didn’t just go for a repeat of the first book, but it took a really long time to setup the plot and wasn’t much fun once the ball got rolling. I enjoyed trying to do a grey haired repeat of the Ermahgerd wig for this, but I did struggle to find one long enough for the task.

 

35. Return of the Mummy

Return of the Mummy was an alright sequel to an excellent first book, but it relied on silly character choices to move the narrative forward. The villain wasn’t quite as illogical as Mr. Tuggle in Piano Lessons, but they would make it to my incompetent villains list. This photo ended up being a really fun one with Lindsay, where we also redid the photo for The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb,

 

34. Legend of the Lost Legend

The Legend of the Lost Legend belongs in that special of category of books that should have been short stories. It’s also a great example of a book where you could feel the author going through the motions but not having any fun writing it. The photo, on the other hand, was a fun shoot I did in Central Park with the incredibly talented Ms. Harrient Tugsmen.

 

33. Say Cheese and Die!

Say Cheese and Die was an early success in the Goosebumps series, but it was an OK book at best. It did result in a TV episode starring Ryan Gosling, though. I stand by my assertion that the villain Spidy is secretly the guitar player from the System of a Down. This ended up being the first photo taken for the Ermahgerd series! Look at that face, she as no idea what she’s just gotten herself into.

 

32. Deep Trouble

Deep Trouble was an interesting one. The cover art would leave you to believe it was going to be a very different book. This ended up being more on the whimsical side, which isn’t my favorite. We are now reaching the point in this list where there are plenty of “fine” books that just didn’t stand out.  This photo was taken with my friend Sean’s help, and I definitely dropped the book in the water as soon as we finished.

 

31. The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight

The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight was another perfectly fine book. It had it’s flaws, but I think it’s biggest issue was that it never went anywhere interesting. My friends and I got lost in a corn maze in order for me to take this photo; I think it might be one of my favorite untouched photos of the series. I don’t think I could repeat the face that I made.

 

30. It Came From Beneath the Sink!

It Came From Beneath the Sink! was a fantastic premise that never really took off. The pacing was fine, and the ending was fine, but the in between just spun its wheels. This is one that could have been great but it fell short in the end. For the photo, we get to see underneath the tiny sink of my old Brooklyn apartment.

 

29. Night of the Living Dummy II

Night of the Living Dummy II was a significant improvement over the first book. What held it back from being great was the lack of imagination on Slappy’s behalf. For a doll bent on world domination, his methods for achieving his goals leave a lot to be desired. For this photo, we learned that my friend Lindsay’s dog Brick is not a fan of Slappy.

 

28. Vampire Breath

Vampire Breath was another almost-great. It had a fun and smelly premise. It was a shame that it got lost in the weeds for a good chunk of the middle. The ending also left a lot to be explained in terms of how vampires operate. This one was a a lot of fun to photoshop, and I would put it right up there with my favorites in the photo series.

 

27. Attack of the Mutant

Attack of the Mutant was a really fun premise with some glaring flaws. The Masked Mutant will definitely make my illogical villains list. For the photo, this is the most work I put into a single costume for this entire series. I cut up a yellow pillow case and glued it to blue spandex. I feel like I need to find a way to reuse it for something.

 

 

The second half of my rankings will post tomorrow.

 

 

 

Honorable Mention: The Beat 2.

The Beast 2, like it’s predecessor, is one of two books that essentially belong in the Goosebumps canon but were released by a different publisher in order to promote a roller coaster. I’m including this book here because, unlike it’s predecessor, this book wasn’t great.